Valentine’s Day is just a few days away – are you ready? The pressure to obtain the perfect gift that will send your partner into a delirious state of happiness and excitement is mounting. If the gift fails to hit that expectation, you could be facing relationship cold war in the time to come or worse: the need to update your Facebook relationship status and add #Foreveralone to your list of qualities.
So unless you’re looking to be single and fancy-free; we recommend steering clear of these gifts!
1. The Self Improvement Gift
Fancy a gift that says “I am an insensitive goof but you’re still not good enough for me”? Try a self-help book or programme on anything from weight-loss to teach yourself how to bake a cake!
While you may have good intentions to help your partner achieve some of those New Year resolutions, asking your partner to lose some weight, garner some leadership skills, or be a better cook etc, is a pretty bad gift idea for the most “romantic” day of the year.
Unless, it is a gift that has been specifically asked for by your loved one, we suggest steering clear of anything that could remotely sound like you are not accepting your partner as is!
2. Buying a Gift That’s Essentially For Yourself
If you think you can outsmart the system, please think again. Unless she is a gamer, buying her a state of the art game console for the two of you to spend your weekends killing zombies, destroying cities, and pillaging villages hardly spells out “romantic gift”.
Same goes for women buying spa manicure/pedicure packages for two. Unless he’s a self-confessed metro-man, we’re quite sure the use of a good cuticle removal system will be lost on him.
What you are really buying here is the freedom to be #Foreveralone.
3. Cleaning Appliances
Another one of those to leave off your shopping list unless you fancy doing all the work yourself; is any kind of cleaning appliance that hasn’t been specifically requested. You might have the best of intentions as you don’t want your partner sweeping up and breaking their back but there are other perfectly good times to buy an appliance like that: namely, any day OTHER than Valentine’s.
As the saying goes; the road to hell is paved with good intentions and unwanted Hoovers…
4. Romantic Toilet Paper
Believe it or not this is a kind of gift that exists and can be purchased online. It has hearts on it and says anything cheesy to queasy from “I love you from Top to Bottom” to “My Love For You is Like Diarrhea”. If you think that you are cute and funny for wanting to get this for that special someone; you can also use the item to wipe away your tears when they leave.
Nothing says you’re potty quite like loo roll.
5. The Ring Cup Handle
Will you marry… the coffee and creamer?
This gift is nothing but a cruel joke but there will be nothing funny about a girl going insanely happy screaming, updating her status, calling people and telling the world that she is engaged, only to find out that the ring sticking out of the box is actually the handle of a mug.
Be prepared with your lightning like cat reflexes, that cup may very likely be flung in your direction. Remember when Mr Bean tried this trick with a hook for a painting? Yup, you’ll likely end up similarly lonely and sending cards to yourself.
Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Look Thep Dolls
Look Thep dolls or “child angels”are traditionally made to hold the spirits of children that were unborn according to an article in Mashable. It is said to bring luck to the owner of the dolls. Aside from most of the people in Thailand, who have accepted and want this “lucky” doll; these dolls are generally just a little creepy.
But scary child spirits aside, you’ll soon be face-to-face with your own horror story: what will become of you when you bring a doll instead of a glittering piece of bling or a Fallout 4 cartridge as your Valentine’s gift.
Learnt Well You Have, (I Hope) Young Padawan
We hope this list has helped you navigate the murky swamp of V-Day Gift-Giving Faux Pas. Getting the right gift can be tricky and you’ll need to all the help you can get thanks to the awesome expectations set by greeting card companies and profit-making corporations everywhere.
But jokes aside, if you’ve bought a gift with the best of intentions and you do get dumped; perhaps that in itself is the best gift you could have given yourself.
It’s a day about Love ultimately, isn’t it?
What will you be getting your partner? Let us know in the comments!
Image Sources: Image 3 from Rakuten