*As Told To RinggitPlus.

I still remember the first time I saw that bonus hit my account. The way my heart jumped. The immediate mental shopping list. The feeling that finally, finally, I had money that was just for me.

Four years and RM18,000 later, I had nothing. Just debt, regret, and a drawer full of things I never used.

This is what I wish someone had told me.

Year 1: When I Thought RM3,000 Was A Fortune

I wish someone had grabbed me by the shoulders and said: “That handbag? You’ll use it twice. Those expensive dinners? You won’t remember them in a month. But that credit card debt you’re ignoring? That’s going to follow you for years.”

My first bonus felt like free money. RM3,000 just for existing at my job for a year. I took friends out for meals I couldn’t afford, bought a designer handbag that now collects dust, and told myself I “deserved to celebrate.”

Year 2: When I Convinced Myself Experiences Were Investments

I wish someone had said: “A holiday isn’t an investment if you’re putting daily expenses on credit to afford it.”

RM4,500 this time. I was smarter now, I told myself. I wasn’t going to waste it on things. I was going to “invest in experiences” and book a trip to Bali.

The holiday was beautiful. The Instagram photos were perfect. But I came home to a credit card bill that had grown because I’d been putting regular expenses on credit while I was away. That “RM4,500 holiday” ended up costing me way more once you factor in the interest I kept paying.

Year 3: When I Built A Gadget Graveyard

RM5,000. A new laptop with a graphics card so powerful it could run anything, even though my old one worked fine. A smartwatch. Noise-cancelling headphones. A portable speaker. All of it justified as “investments in productivity.”

That laptop is outdated now. The smartwatch stopped syncing after a year. The headphones are somewhere in a drawer. I’m still making minimum payments on that credit card because the debt just keeps rolling over.

Year 4: When I Finally Felt Stupid

I wish someone had been honest with me: “You don’t know better. You just know about better. There’s a difference.”

RM5,500. I’d been reading personal finance blogs. I knew what I was supposed to do. I was going to “treat myself just a little” and save the rest.

I spent RM2,000 on a “small” shopping spree. The remaining RM3,500 was going straight to savings. Except my car needed repairs. Insurance was due. That money disappeared on “emergencies” that weren’t really emergencies because they were predictable expenses I should’ve been preparing for. That year, I cried in my car after checking my bank balance. Four years of work. Four bonuses totalling RM18,000. And I had nothing saved. My debt was worse than when I started.

Year 5: When I Finally Got It

This time, it was different. Not because I became a personal finance guru, but because I got desperate.

My colleague mentioned putting a deposit on a house. A friend casually said she was taking unpaid leave because she had savings. My younger sister asked to borrow RM500 and I had to say no because I was still in debt.

I was 28 years old. Four years of bonuses, RM18,000, and I couldn’t even help my sister.

That’s what broke me. Not a motivational quote or a finance influencer. Just the humiliating reality that I’d been working for years and had nothing to show for it.

When Year 5’s bonus came (RM6,000), I didn’t make a detailed plan. I just did three things:

1. Threw RM4,000 at my credit card debt. That debt had been quietly eating my money for four years and I was done feeding it.
2. Put RM1,500 in a separate account for predictable expenses: insurance, car repairs, medical check-ups. The things I kept calling “emergencies” when they were just poor planning.
3. Kept RM500 and didn’t touch it. Not in some high-interest account. Just there. Proving I could have money and not immediately spend it.

It wasn’t Instagram-worthy. There was no celebration. I just stopped bleeding money on things I’d forget about in three months.

What I Know Now

Four years of treating bonuses like Monopoly money. Every purchase felt justified in the moment. I “deserved it.” I was “treating myself.” I was “making memories.”

But that RM18,000 could’ve cleared my debt twice over. Could’ve been a house deposit fund. Could’ve been the difference between staying trapped in a job and having the freedom to walk away.

Your bonus isn’t free money. It’s a choice about what version of your future you’re willing to pay for.

I made the wrong choice four times before I figured it out. The colleague buying a house understood something I didn’t: bonuses aren’t rewards for surviving another year at work. They’re opportunities to build the kind of life where you’re not constantly one emergency away from panic.

Maybe you’ll be smarter than I was. Maybe you’ll figure it out before you blow RM18,000 on things you can’t even remember buying.

Or maybe you’ll need to hit rock bottom first.

Either way, that bonus is coming. Whatever you do with it, you’ll have to live with.

I just hope you choose better than I did.

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