*As told to RinggitPlus

My mother passed away in April from a stroke. One day she was complaining about traffic on Federal Highway, the next day I was standing in a hospital corridor and someone was saying words I couldn’t really follow.

People kept saying at least it was quick, at least she didn’t suffer. I nodded because I didn’t know what else to do. 

That night we were in a funeral parlour office. Someone slid a piece of paper across the desk with numbers on it. RM25,000. I remember thinking that couldn’t be right, but I signed it anyway because nothing felt right anymore. I think I kept saying “okay… okay” to myself. Just trying to keep it moving.

She Had RM47,000 We Couldn’t Touch

My mother did have savings. Not a lot, but enough that she felt secure. About RM47,000 in her EPF after working thirty years as a clerk at a logistics company. She showed me her KWSP app once, zooming in on the balance. “Enough already,” she said. “You all don’t need to worry.”

But she never made a nomination. I didn’t know what that meant at that time, and neither did my siblings. She always said she would do it later. Next time, when she wasn’t so busy. We thought we’d have time. Obviously we didn’t. Sometimes I catch myself thinking, what if we had pushed her just one more time. Would it have mattered? I don’t know.

After the funeral, I went to the bank. They explained we needed a Letter of Administration, court process, six months maybe longer. I asked if that meant we couldn’t use the money. They said no, not yet. By then, we’d already paid the deposit.

Forms. Waiting. Queues. Photocopies. People asking questions when all you want to do is go home. I kept forgetting what forms I’d already filled, what I’d handed in, what they wanted next. It was endless.

No One Told Us There Were Other Options

Some months later, I asked a colleague how much her father’s funeral cost. I don’t know why I asked. She said RM6,000. Direct cremation, no wake, small gathering at home. Ashes back in two days, scattered at Pantai Morib.

I remember standing there thinking, wait, that was allowed? Like, really? Just like that? No one ever said.

When we were making arrangements for my mother, no one mentioned anything like that. We were shown packages. Standard, Premium, VIP. We picked one because we were tired, crying, and scared of regretting it later.

So we said yes to everything. Monks for three days. Funeral parlour setup. Casket. Columbarium niche for RM9,800 that we visit maybe twice a year when everyone’s free. I kept wondering, are we doing the right thing… or just doing what’s expected? I couldn’t tell.

RM548 Every Month

Relatives gave ang pows that came up to RM4,200. My brother sent RM8,000. My aunt gave RM3,000. Still short.

I took out a personal loan for the rest. RM548 a month, for a year. I filled out the application in my car because I didn’t want anyone seeing me cry. I’m still paying it. Every month I notice the deduction, even when I try not to. 

Nine months after the funeral, I found out my mother had been receiving Bantuan Sara Hidup, which meant she was B40. We could have claimed RM1,000 funeral assistance from LHDN. I only found out from a Facebook post. Too late by then.

The RM2,500 EPF Death Assistance came through after three months. The Letter of Administration took ten. My share is in a savings account now. I keep thinking I should do something with it. Insurance. Paperwork. Stuff my mother thought she had already done. I start thinking about it and then stop. Then start again. 

I don’t know. RM548 doesn’t sound like much but it’s there every month. Groceries. Rent. Sometimes my mind just goes there, what if I had known earlier, would anything have felt different? Probably not.

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