When She Earns More: Money, Relationships, And Modern Malaysian Couples

Samuel Chua

8th October 2025 - 5 min read

Money shapes relationships in ways many couples do not discuss until problems surface. A recent case from Singapore highlights tensions that many Malaysian couples now face as income dynamics shift and more women become primary earners in their households.

When Financial Independence Meets Emotional Burnout

Jo-anne Peng, a 46-year-old business development manager earning S$18,000 monthly (approximately RM63,000), has never dated a man who earned more than her. For years, she assumed this did not matter.

“As long as I was financially comfortable and he wasn’t expecting money from me, I thought it was fine,” she said.

But over time, that independence came with emotional strain. “I forgot how to bring my feminine self into the relationship. The practical matters took over. I neglected my emotional needs. And always, the love would die.”

Psychologist Aloysius Tay from The Psychology Clinic said Peng’s experience is common. “When one partner shoulders most financial responsibility, emotional burnout often follows. They are expected to provide materially and emotionally, which can be exhausting,” he said.

Women, in particular, face added pressure to be both strong providers and nurturing partners, creating what Tay calls “be everything mode”, where feeling supported becomes nearly impossible.

Financial Stress Affects Malaysian Relationships Differently

Malaysian couples face distinct pressures around money. The 2025 RinggitPlus Malaysian Financial Literacy Survey found that 54% of Malaysians feel anxious, frustrated, or embarrassed about their financial situation, and more than half live paycheck to paycheck.

When you are constantly worried about making ends meet, relationship dynamics shift regardless of who earns more. The context matters because Malaysian households often operate under tighter financial constraints than their Singaporean counterparts.

With 39% of Malaysians saving less than RM500 monthly and 55% spending as much or more than they earn, financial alignment between partners becomes critical rather than optional. A mismatch in spending habits or financial priorities can strain a relationship faster than an income gap ever will.

Shared Financial Values Matter More Than Matching Salaries

Jessica Lim, 41, earns more than her husband but says their relationship stays balanced through shared attitudes about money.

“The more important thing is having the same attitude towards spending and saving,” she explained. Her husband’s job offers more security than hers despite the lower salary, providing stability when her industry faces regular layoffs.

Amy Ang, 35, who works in finance, puts it simply: “I’m fine dating a man who earns less, as long as I don’t have to change my lifestyle. What matters is that he has a financial plan and lives within his means.”

Tay confirms that successful relationships depend on mutual respect, emotional intelligence, and shared values rather than income parity. Both partners need to share financial responsibility and appreciate each other’s contributions, whether those contributions come as salary, stability, or emotional support.

For Malaysian couples managing tight budgets, this alignment becomes essential. When money is limited, disagreements about spending priorities can escalate quickly. Couples who share core financial values tend to handle these pressures better than those who only focus on income equality.

What Financial Success Means In Relationships

After her divorce, Peng adjusted her expectations. “I don’t need a man’s money, but I need a man with money,” she said. For her, financial success represents discipline, security, and an understanding of what it takes to build stability.

“I want someone who knows what it’s like to worry about the future and can support me when I’m tired.”

This perspective is not about materialism. Peng has been financially independent throughout her adult life. What she seeks is a partner who understands the mental and emotional weight of financial responsibility. That shared experience matters more than the actual amount either person earns.

Are High-Earning Women Actually Intimidating?

Tay suggests that high-earning women are often labelled as picky when they are simply being practical. “Some women fear that their success limits their romantic eligibility, or that a partner’s insecurity could strain the relationship,” he explained.

Dating coach Hayley Quinn offers another view. In her TEDx talk Searching for Love to Escape Ourselves, she argued that men are not necessarily intimidated by successful women but prioritise different qualities when choosing partners.

“The right relationship gives you the support and stability you need to reach your goals,” Quinn said.

Both perspectives hold some truth. Some men may struggle with female partners who out-earn them, while others value emotional connection and compatibility over income. Those genuinely intimidated by a woman’s financial success may not have been suitable partners to begin with.

What This Means For Malaysian Couples

Traditional expectations of men as primary earners continue to clash with modern economic realities. More Malaysian women are working, building careers, and sometimes earning more than their partners. This shift requires open discussions about expectations, contributions, and what partnership truly means when traditional roles no longer apply.

Malaysian couples may actually have an advantage here. Financial stress is a shared experience across income levels. The 2025 RinggitPlus survey shows that money worries affect most Malaysian households, regardless of earnings. This shared understanding can make conversations about finances less taboo and more collaborative.

Couples who manage these dynamics successfully tend to communicate openly about money, align on core financial values, and respect each other’s non-monetary contributions. They treat financial decisions as joint responsibilities rather than competitions.

Tay summed it up clearly: “Success is not the punishment. How men, women and society react to it, that is the punishment.” Until expectations catch up with reality, couples will continue to navigate financial dynamics that should not be problematic in the first place.

0 0 votes

Article Rating